Monday, February 15, 2016

If you want Donald Trump to lose, send him March14 advisers

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Donald Trump is dangerously soaring in the polls. His election wouldn't just be a catastrophe to the United States but to the whole world. The only people who can stop this from happening are March14 advisers.

First, Trump needs to be tricked into accepting the counsel of a March14 advisory board, and not suspect that it’ll drive his campaign to the ground. Many within March14 have very good contacts with all kinds of US officials, some of whom are opposed to Trump’s election. Perhaps they can work something out.

To be truly efficient in getting Trump to lose, this advisory board should be formed of:

- Those who crafted March14 communication since 2005. They’ve done a fantastic job in convincing nobody. They’ll do what they do best: nice looking political ads that appeal to virtually no one and manage to drive people away with condescending messages and improbable puns. Example: “I think there14 I am” (Disclaimer: this is not a parody, but a real March14 message)

- Members of the "National Council of March14 Independent Personalities", especially those who express themselves in lyrical speeches and have become masters of nonsense by spreading rumors so absurdly beyond reason, no one actually believes them expect their family and friends (mostly as good manners and proof of affection.) Example: “Daech doesn’t exist” or “Iran wants to bring about the end of the world”.

- The entire board of March14 Secretariat General. They are the very best, the ultimate geniuses, the elite. They have the uncontrollable urge and supernatural power to make popular ideas very unpopular and get people running away from the most legitimate demands and sacred principles. Example: turning the anti-Syrian resistance’s slogan “Freedom, Sovereignty, Independence” into an empty and annoying leitmotiv.

- To give this advisory group real weight, March14 members of parliament and government officials are an absolute must, especially those who publicly disagree and argue with each other, ruining at every turn any chance of cohesion. Example: when was the last time you watched the news?

These people have successfully managed to ruin Lebanon’s March 14 2005 independence movement; an unprecedented popular uprising that united the overwhelming majority of the Lebanese population. And gave their March8 adversaries every opportunity to gain ground and advance their agenda.

Now imagine what they can do to a racist candidate with a bad hairdo.


© Claude El khal, 2016

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