Ancient Egypt's biblical record will soon be history. Modern Lebanon is going to beat its 10 plagues and win the title of World's Best Cursed Country.
For the past months, Lebanese have shown extraordinary determination in winning this historical title. We got rivers of garbage, a fly infestation, a mosquito invasion, we got fetid air, poisoned water and so many viruses we stopped counting. I don’t want to brag, but we did it all by ourselves. Ancient Egyptians had supernatural help. They had God to do all the work. They just stood there, suffered for a while, then shamelessly claimed the title.
This kind of passive victory doesn’t fit our challenging personality. It’s an insult to our Lebanese Spirit. So we used our legendary cunning creativity and came up with the most ingenious idea: we took the trash we produce everyday and swamped the county with it. It was only a matter of time before the different plagues started showing up. And like clockwork, they all did, one after the other. Such an amazing achievement would't have been possible without our tireless politicians. Aren't we glad we kept voting for them!
Get the fireworks, the Kalashnikovs and the M16 ready. The end is near. Very soon, we’ll officially be the World's Best Cursed Country. And we'll be able to gloat all over social media, drowning the world with 'Proud to be Lebanese', 'Live love' and 'Koullouna'.
© Claude El Khal, 2016