Wednesday, April 27, 2016

‘Keeping Beirut for its people’, what a brilliant idea!

Pin ThisEmail This

As an answer to the Beirut Madinati (Beirut My City) campaign, March 8 and March 14 joined forces and came up with an even better concept: 'Keeping Beirut for its people'.

Under the magnificent slogan “Litabqa Beirut Li2ahliha” (which could be roughly translated by: Keeping Beirut for its people), a full list of March 8 and March 14 personalities was put together. It was then publicly announced from Saad Hariri’s palace in Beirut. After the announcement, everyone congratulated everyone, and the genius that wrote the slogan ordered a bronze statue of himself.

'Keeping Beirut for its people'. Why did no one think of that before? It’s so simple, so obvious. I guess that’s what every brilliant advertising line should be like. Oops, sorry, I meant that’s what every brilliant political statement should be like!

To show their commitment to the Lebanese capital and to its people, the March 8-March 14 alliance will need to apply this statement to the letter. Which means the following:

- The Hariri family, not being actually from Beirut, will move to Saïda where they’re originally from. The same will apply to other politicians. Walid Joumblatt, for example, will need to leave his Clemenceau residence and stay in Moukhtara.

- The airport will be renamed Beirut International Airport.

- Solidere will give back downtown Beirut to its original owners.

- All buildings and lands bought by foreigners (from Gulf countries or any other country) will be seized by the Beirut municipality.

- Palestinian camps in Beirut will need to be relocated elsewhere. So will all Syrian refugees.

- Every Lebanese citizen will need to prove a three-generation Beiruti lineage to be allowed to live in the capital. Anyone who fails to do so will be immediately evicted and moved to the city or village he (or she) is originally from.

- The above will not be simple as many people don’t have any property where they’re from. To make it easy, transition camps will be set on the outskirts of the capital.

- To avoid any incursion from non-Beirutis, a large wall will be built around the capital.

Other cities will be so impressed by the ‘Keeping Beirut for its people’ campaign and its in-depth program, they will decide to do the same. Many new slogans will see the light of day: Keeping Bkessine for its people, Keeping Saïda for its people, Keeping Tripoli for its people, Keeping Baalbek for its people, etc.

A full plan will be ready to be implemented. A plan that will involve population transfer, so everyone that’s not from “here” should move back to where they’re from.

And that’s how you finally achieve the partition of Lebanon. Pure genius!


© Claude El Khal, 2016

2 comments:

jcn said...

You mean Tahouitet al Ghadir/Khalde international airport.

Philippe Grondier said...

The French embassy to Lebanon will be renamed the French embassy to Beirut...