Lebanon has done it again. It broke another Guinness Record: the largest spicy fish – Samké 7arra – in the world. But despite our many records, there’s one we haven’t got yet, perhaps the only one we truly deserve: the long overdue world record for most stupid people on earth.
Over the years, the country where nothing works, where corruption has become part of our DNA, where trash is quietly rotting under the sun, we don’t work at fixing things, at improving our lives. We do better: we break silly records.
So far, Lebanon holds the title of world’s largest Kebbé, largest Hotel suite, largest serving of Hommos, largest Dabké dance, largest Fattoush and many many others.
Only yesterday, it did it again with the world’s largest spicy fish – Samké 7arra. This achievement was so important, so crucial to the country’s future and the wellbeing of its people, the minister of tourism and many officials attended the extraordinary event.
Even though we should all be farting with pride and screaming livelove-livelove on social media, we shouldn't forget that the record we broke a long time ago – and we keep breaking every day – has not yet been officially accredited to us: the Guinness World Record of the most stupid people on earth.
Here are some irrefutable proofs of our immeasurable stupidity, so no one can claim otherwise, and try to rob us from a very well deserved distinction.
We keep our garbage outdoors, everywhere, turning the air we breathe into something full of ghastly diseases. But we don’t stop there. That’s not who we are. We always like to kick it up a notch, go the extra mile. So we burn the garbage and turn the air into the most carcinogenic element the world has ever known.
So simple, yet so ingeniously moronic.
We do it happily, proudly, selflessly, all the while we go out partying, drinking and dancing, swimming, tanning and filling Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat with selfies.
We are a multitasking people. We can poison our country and celebrate its beauty at the same time. We can insult corrupt politicians and keep voting for them. We can also moan and groan while singing Koullouna on a mountain of trash.
We are truly an exceptionally dumb people. Our stupidity has no limit. And it’s time we are officially recognized for it.
© Claude El Khal, 2016