Tuesday, April 7, 2015

SUPERFICIAL, a true Lebanese superhero

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More dashing than Ironman, way more glamorous than Superman, he bats his eyes faster than Batman and purrs better than Catwoman, here’s the one and only true Lebanese superhero: SUPERFICIAL.

He fights social media injustice and saves fashion victims from the evil of bad selfies.

As a child, he fell into a tank of silicone, which dramatically inflated his ego and gave him a superhuman capacity to talk nonsense with extraordinary arrogance. He has an opinion on everything but understands absolutely nothing. He eats sushi to get extra strength and drinks overpriced Italian wine to show how sophisticated he can be.

His costume was designed by Façonnable, his cape by Hermès, his shoes by Louboutin and his utility belt by Louis Vuitton.

In that utility belt there’s a mirror to always check his hairdo, a comb to always fix his hairdo, and a hairspray so his hairdo doesn’t get messed up again. There’s also a lipstick and mascara kit to save bimbos in distress, a box of condoms in case one of the bimbos in distress feels like showing some gratitude, and a Botox injector for all kinds of wrinkle emergencies.

His brain is directly linked to Facebook, which allows him to post his thoughts before has them.

His nemesis, his archenemy, is the wicked and annoyingly analytical supervillain: INTELLEX.

One day, using his vile power of reasoning, INTELLEX trapped him in an intelligent debate. But when everything seemed lost for SUPERFICIAL, when our hero was cornered by an irrefutable fact, he tapped into his superhuman capacity of talking nonsense and threw the biggest most ludicrous argument to his foe’s face, knocking him out and saving the day. Without messing up his hairdo.

Proving once again that he’s a true Lebanese superhero.

© Claude El Khal, 2015

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