Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The International Academy of Torture

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We are today in the prestigious International Academy Of Torture. This respected institution has become over the years a Patrimony of Humanity. What's the secret of its success ? What does it bring to the world and to our way of life ? What does it teach its students ? Is torture the foundation of our civilization ? The Dean of the Academy kindly accepted to answer our questions in an exclusive interview.

- Good morning sir.

- Good morning.

- So, what's the secret of your success ?

- There is no secret, so to speak. It’s a recipe. And I guess this recipe can be summarized in three words: torture, torture and torture.

- A great recipe !

- Indeed. You see, torture is the real backbone of our civilization. Without torture, the world will fall into anarchy. How can you control all those masses without moral torture, for example ? How can you stop them from acting like mindless beasts? Religion is a very powerful tool for moral torture. It holds the key to your eternal life. If you don’t obey the rules that are set for you, you will be condemned to eternal damnation. People don’t take that lightly. It’s very efficient.

- Is there any other form of torture ?

- Torture has its trinity : moral torture, psychological torture, and last but not least, physical torture.

- What is the difference between moral torture and psychological torture ?

- As I explained before, moral torture deals with your morals, the principles that guide your life. It helps shape these principals. It stops you from creating morals of your own, and binds you to those that were set for you. Psychological torture, on the other hand, deals with your everyday life, your family, your job, your friends, society at large. It keeps you in the place that was chosen for you. It helps you go where you should go, nowhere else. Both moral and psychological torture turn your fears into a way of life. A way of life that keeps you safe. Safe from yourself.

- There are some people who say that torture is the antinomy of freedom and of basic human decency.

- Who are those people ? Can you give me their names ?

- Err…

- Are they friends of yours ? Where do they live ? Do you share their ideas ?

- No, no, off course not… There are just rumors…

- These rumors are nonsense. Torture is the factual way to true freedom. Choose between what we give you. Why look for something else, something that doesn’t exist, something that’s not real ? As for human decency, where would the world be today without torture ? The Middle-Ages ! Or worse, a jungle. Did you ever see wild animals torture other wild animals ?

- No…

- Exactly ! Torture is an integral part of our humanity, to what makes us human beings, not wild beasts.

- Can you tell us about your students and the kind of education they receive ?

- Our students are divided in two very distinct categories: the Torturors and the Torturees. Even if they attend the same classes, the training is totally different if you are one or the other.

- How so ?

- A Torturor needs to be taught creativity, strength and sadism, a Torturee, on the other hand, needs to be taught endurance, patience and, very importantly, a sense of hope.

- Is there a required training period ?

- For Torturors, there is a two years introductory period. Then there is the confirmation period that requires another two years. Torturees usually don’t last that long.

- We can hear screams. Can you tell us what’s going on ?

- Students…! Hormones are kicking, so they like to fool around. From the sound of the screams, I guess it’s a nail removing competition.

- Do you encourage such behavior ?

- Definitely. We want our student to be able to apply their art everywhere they are, at home, on holidays, between friends and family.

- I understand that the International factor plays a central role in the Academy’s educational system.

- Rightly so. And not only international, but inter-religious and interracial. You see, torture is universal and truly democratic : every citizen, regardless of his or her ethnic, religious and social background can torture and be tortured. We are the true United Nations !

- Thank you very much indeed and good luck for, we hope, many more successful years of torture.

- Thank you.

© Claude El Khal, 2009 - 2011