Saturday, September 26, 2015

Red Moon: communists are taking over the heavens

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Sunday, during the lunar eclipse, we will all be able to witness the moon turning red. There are many interpretations of this phenomenon and even talk of bad omens, harbingers of terrible things to come. But the most interesting explanation arises, as always, from Lebanon.

The Beirut Chamber of Commerce and the Beirut Traders Association released an urgent statement warning about the imminent invasion of the Solar System by Lebanese Marxists. “The red color of the moon will be a clear proof that there’s a communist conspiracy to take over the heavens, the statement said. We will not let our beautiful blue sky turn into Sama Abou Rakhoussa.”

The statement continued by making very serious allegations: “We are in possession of secret documents revealing that these evil Bolsheviks will not stop with the Red Moon but also plan to conquer and rename other planets: for example, Mars will become Marx and Mercury will become Merchrochrome.”

Actually, not every member of the Lebanese elite agrees.

“We shouldn’t be fooled, red is just another shade of orange”, says a well-connected intellectual obsessed by Michel Aoun and the color of his Tayyar. “And what is orange but another shade of yellow? The Red Moon is nothing but a new attempt by Iran and its Lebanese proxy Hezbollah to control the universe.”

He proposed to take strong measures to oppose them: “I’m going to post a very clever Facebook status, every “like” I’ll get will be a terrible blow for these devils. And if they don’t back down, I will not hesitate to tweet”, he warned.

The Red Moon should be visible in Lebanon on Sunday night. Unless of course someone is burning garbage and the smoke is clouding the view.

© Claude El Khal, 2015