Friday, April 29, 2016

Special dedication to every Orthodox in Lebanon

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Every year, like clockwork, it rains on the Orthodox Good Friday. But not this year. This unexplained phenomenon has plunged the Lebanese Orthodox community into deep depression.

It always rains on the Orthodox Good Friday. Always. Proving time and time again that the Orthodox got their Easter calendar right, unlike the Maronite usurpers. But to everyone’s surprise, today is Good Friday and there’s not one drop of rain in sight.

Already members of the Lebanese Orthodox community are starting to blame Global Warming, a secret Maronite conspiracy, and of course the Lebanese government. Some are even whispering that Prince has taken the purple rain with him. To support their claim, they point out that purple was invented by the Phoenicians, ancestors of today’s Lebanese. Doesn’t Phoenicia mean “land of the purple”, they ask.

But no one falling for this and Orthodox can barely hide their distress.

The following is an important health safety message for every Orthodox in Lebanon, so he or she can cope with this weather anomaly, and go through the day shielded from sarcastic Maronites – who are only too happy to find any possible proof to their ancestral claim that Allah is actually not Roum.